The Outside Series - Complete Trilogy: Books 1-3 Read online

  “Not yet. I’m sure he’ll be home soon. Oh, Macy just woke up so I’ve got to run. Thanks for the loan, baby. Be careful on the bus.” She hung up before I could say anything else.

  4

  Mrs. Jameson was home by five thirty so I texted Kim that I wasn’t going to her place and walked straight to the bus stop. I was able to get through most of my homework during the long ride home. The bus was full but that was fine with me. As long as I had a window seat, I could easily block out the world around me. I found myself staring out the window and looking into every white car that passed.

  I got off at my usual stop but turned toward the convenience store instead of heading straight home. Steve, the manager, was Jesse’s long time customer so he’d never think of carding me and possibly cutting off the occasional line of credit that Jesse gave him before payday. He was a decent guy but like everyone else that knew Jesse, he looked the other way when it came to the shit that went down at my house.

  Grabbing a pack of diapers and Marlboro Lights, I figured I’d save Mom the trouble of another trip out. Gas was also something she couldn’t buy with her SNAP card and Jesse tracked her mileage like the IRS.

  When I turned into the driveway and saw the car gone, I froze. If Jesse was home, I didn’t want to go in at all. But, there was a fifty fifty chance that he was out and Mom was home with the kids. Not wanting to stand out in the street any longer, I put on a blank expression and went straight in.

  Macy was standing in the kitchen and crying as Jesse walked down the hall.

  Seeing the diapers in my hand, he tossed the pack of wipes to me. “Good, you’re home. She’s been screaming since your mom left an hour ago. Can you shut her up?”

  She lifted her arms to me when she saw me. “Mama.” She called me that when she was upset or happy. I didn’t bother to correct. I knew she’d grow out of it eventually.

  “Yeah, I got her.” I picked her up and took her back to my room to get her changed. Her face was sticky and she needed a bath but I wasn’t going to hang out alone in the house with him. As soon as she was dressed in leggings and a long sleeved shirt, I put her down in the kitchen. Jesse was leaning against the fridge, watching my every move.

  “I’m gonna throw this out back then take her for a walk.” He pinched my ass as I walked past him.

  “She’s quiet now. You should just stay and watch a movie with me.”

  “Okay, in a little bit. I just want to water the flowers out front and then we’ll be back.” I heard Macy start to cry again as soon as I shut the garage door behind me. Jogging to the side of the house, I quickly dumped the dirty diaper in the trash can and ran back inside.

  When I opened the kitchen door, time moved in slow motion. Macy was still wailing in the middle of the room. Jesse pushed off the wall and walked toward her. I wanted to run or scream but I couldn’t do anything. Like the recurring dream I had where I couldn’t move or speak, I just watched as he lifted his boot to her chest and pushed. She flew backward like a rag doll and slid across the linoleum floor, coming to a stop when her head hit the far wall. “I said shut the fuck up, kid!”

  “No, no, no,” I screamed, finally regaining use of my limbs and rushing to her. She was quiet, but alert. Her eyes were as wide and shocked as mine must have been. It took her a few seconds to take a breath again, but when she did, the wailing started even louder than before. Not the hurt cry but the terrified cry.

  Quickly checking her head for blood and her chest for a mark, I didn’t find any. Thank god. That was all for show. Again, he wanted to assert his power over us by freaking me out. Mission accomplished. I grabbed her pacifier and carried her out the front door. As soon as we got to the driveway, she settled down. Even at two, she knew we were safer outside. He wouldn’t ever follow us out. Too many neighbors. Too much risk. There were always eyes on us. They all knew what he did in that house and were constantly looking for an excuse to call the cops.

  Keeping a low profile is critical when you’re a drug dealer and beating his family in front of the neighbors didn’t fit into Jesse’s M.O. Thankfully.

  Macy and I walked down the street and crossed into an open field. The wildflowers were still in bloom and it was one of my favorite places to sit and think. When the weeds were tall, I could almost hide in their web. It was one of the few places I felt safe. We stayed in that cocoon of leaves and petals until I saw my mom’s station wagon turn the corner with Billy in the back seat.

  It had probably only been thirty minutes but the sun had set. We were quiet as we walked up the driveway behind her car.

  “What are you guys doing out here? Where’s Jesse?” She looked us over and walked up to me. In a lower voice, she asked, “Did he do something to you? What happened?”

  I wanted to tell her about him kicking Macy off her feet but it was a waste of breath. We were both fine so it wouldn’t have done anything but start a fight. And I hated to be the one to start something between them. That happened often enough without my intervention.

  “No, nothing happened. I just didn’t want to be in the house so we went for a walk. I got you diapers and cigarettes.” Diversion worked as well on her as it did on the kids.

  “You did? Thanks, baby. You’re so good to me.”

  We walked in the front door and found Jesse asleep on the couch.

  “I have some homework to finish. I’ll be in the room.”

  “I have homework too. Can you help me with it?” Billy tugged my arm as we walked back to our room.

  “Of course, kiddo. Let’s see what you have.”

  By the time we finished Billy’s worksheet and read his book, it was close to nine. I took a quick shower and was walking back to the room when I heard a few voices in the living room. All of Jesse’s “friends” sounded alike so I didn’t know who it was and didn’t care. Until I heard the words that would destroy the relative calm of the night.

  “Hey, Angie, I saw you at the gas station talking to Paco.”

  “Oh, yeah, he told me to say hi to you, babe.” I could hear the nervous tremor in her voice as she spoke to Jesse and wanted to kill the guy who brought that up. I could imagine it was literally an innocent hello over the gas pump but Jesse didn’t take well to Mom “flirting” with his friends.

  “Is that so?” Jesse said.

  “What was I supposed to do? Ignore him. He’s your friend and he said hi. That’s it.”

  Oh, shit. Instead of keeping her mouth shut, which occasionally avoided a full blowout, she decided to talk back. That never ended well.

  Laughing, the asshole friend had done what he set out to do. “Well, I’ll let you guys figure this out. See ya later, Jes.”

  Making a detour, I snuck into their bedroom and saw Macy asleep in her crib. The rail was low so she could climb in and out on her own but at least she would be out of their way. The yelling in the front room started as soon I found her pacifier and strategically positioned it near her head.

  Mom was crying and cussing. Jesse was banging around and calling her a whore. At least the kids were asleep and didn’t have to witness this. Just as I closed the bedroom door, I heard a thump and a loud cry. Then the house was silent.

  I desperately wanted to go check on my mom but that would only make things worse. I learned a long time ago that he was worse with an audience and just a passing glance was enough to get him going again. I crawled up to my bed and cried silently until I heard the shower turn on. Once I was sure he would be locked in the bathroom for a while, I crept out of my room and went looking for Mom.

  I found a fern in a pile of dirt on the ground and a broken ceramic pot. The pot was covered in dark red blood that trailed out the front door. Apparently, Mom also felt that getting out of the house was her only sanctuary. I stuck my head outside and quietly called for her but she didn’t answer. Hearing the water turn off, I ran back to the room on my tiptoes and climbed up into bed.

  I lay in bed for hours before I heard a rustling outside my window. Lifting the cor
ner of the curtain, I saw Mom pull the screen off. Without a word, she climbed through the window and walked straight to my closet. The side of her head was matted with blood and her shirt was covered in crusty brown splotches. Her heavy breathing coming from the crack she left in the closet door was the only sound in the room.

  When her breathing evened out, I had to speak. “Mom,” I whispered.

  “What?” she asked, annoyed that I was putting her hiding place in jeopardy.

  “Don’t die.”

  5

  The next morning was relatively quiet. Mom fed the kids while I made Billy’s lunch and gathered everything into his backpack. I was anxious to be on our way. I walked him to his bus stop at the corner and left him with some buddies. As soon as my bus arrived, I could feel the tension start to ebb from my body. I let my mind wander to Logan. Would he still talk to me or was he already over it?

  Kim was walking up the front steps right as I arrived. “Okay, I got the four-one-one on Logan. He works at the smoothie place in the mall so we have to go there tonight. You can stay over, right?”

  “Yeah, I’m not going home for a while. I have to work until about six but we can go after that.” I left some cash in the jar on my dresser for Mom so she’d be fine for a few days. Well, fine for gas and cigarettes. That’s all I could do for her. It seemed like the ‘bad days’ were more frequent when I was home so I hoped that by giving them some space, she would get a reprieve. Of course, that meant the kids were on their own too but Mom was pretty good at taking the brunt of her husband’s fury...especially if she knew I wouldn’t be around to intervene.

  Before I left that morning, I also packed a bag of clothes so I could stay away for a while. If necessary, I’d borrow some of Kim’s ‘baggy’ clothes. She didn’t have many but there were a few things I could squeeze my hips into.

  I was at my locker, dropping off books, when a hand passed my face and pressed against the locker next to mine. I could feel his breath on my neck before I heard him speak.

  “So, tell me the truth. What’s your real name?”

  Huh? I turned toward the thickly muscled arm that was just inches from my face until I was staring at Logan’s chest. I peeked up at him under my lashes. He was so close, I couldn’t keep my eyes from lingering on his mouth for a few seconds. The smirk on his face told me he knew what I was thinking.

  “Uh, Liz.”

  “Amanda said your name is Beth. So, which is it?”

  He was wearing a hunter green t-shirt that was the exact shade of his eyes. I wanted to stare into them for hours but he was waiting for my response. “Well, my full name is Elizabeth. I used to go by Beth but now it’s Liz.” I glanced under his arm and saw some chick that I went to middle school with. She was a year older, in the same grade as Austin. She was always a bitch and by the dirty look she was giving me, I could tell she was less than happy with the attention Logan was giving me.

  “Good, because I didn’t want to believe you were lying to me.”

  I shook my head. Did he really think that?

  Amanda scooted to Logan’s side and gave me a once over, making sure Logan saw how unimpressed she was. “So now you’re Liz?” She leaned around me like she was checking out my backside. “I can see why you wanted to change your name now that you aren’t as...thick as you used to be.”

  His hand came up and pushed a loose wave of hair behind my ear. His thumb trailed over the edge of my lobe and he fingered my small silver hoop earring. “I like the name Liz. It suits you. A pretty name for a pretty girl.”

  I could feel my face burning but I didn’t look away. “Thanks,” I said shyly. “I guess I’ll see you at break.”

  “You better.” He gave me a half-smile and pushed away from my locker. Turning gracefully, he walked down the hallway with Amanda at his side.

  It took me a minute to calm my heart. I’d never been that close to a boy, especially one that looked like Logan, and I was afraid my knees would give out. When the warning bell rang, I quickly gathered my P.E. clothes and walked to the gym.

  Kim and I had first period P.E. together so we met up in the locker room and changed into our uniform. She could make a boxy t-shirt and basketball shorts look sexy. Me, not so much. But, the royal blue Anderson Angels shirt brought out my turquoise eyes so that helped take some of the attention away from my big booty. No matter how much weight I lost, I’d always have my mom’s bubble butt.

  The first day was mostly a fitness assessment that was used to benchmark progress throughout the semester. We had to do basic calisthenics and run the track. Kim and I slowly jogged while she filled me in on the plans for after school.

  “I talked to Austin and he’s going to the mall later so we’ll meet him there for dinner at seven.”

  “Dinner? Who’s all going?” I wasn’t in the mood to be a third wheel as she attempted to seduce Austin. Or worse, to watch Austin seduce her.

  “Austin and Randy will be there at seven. Logan is working so we can stop by his kiosk for dessert.” She nudged my hip. “Oh, and I gave Logan your number so expect a call.”

  “Really? He asked for my number? Why?” I looked to the center of the field where a group of guys were running football drills.

  “Why do you think? He likes you.” She skipped ahead then turned to jog backwards. “This is going to be so fun. I’ve always wanted to double date with you.”

  “Don’t go making any wedding plans just yet. I doubt he’s really interested in me.”

  “Aw, look at you. You’re blushing.” She turned around and took off in a sprint before I could smack her.

  I was excited and terrified. As much as I was obsessed with how Logan looked and how sweet he’d been, I also knew I really couldn’t get involved with a boy...especially an older boy that would want to come to my house and meet my family. That would never fly. Just thinking about it made my stomach hurt a little.

  “Beth...Liz...whatever. Are you even listening to me?” Kim was stretching on a barre against the gym wall when I realized I had zoned out.

  “Maybe. What was the last thing you said?”

  “Ugh, I was asking what you brought to wear. You don’t want to wear the same thing tonight that you wore to school. Do you have something or should I find something cute in my mom’s closet? She’s not going to be home until Sunday so she won’t mind.”

  “Why can’t I wear what I have on today?” The denim skirt and layered t-shirts were fine for a mall meal. I didn’t want to waste one of the few outfits I had with me for a two hour event.

  “Trust me. You need to look cute. I’ll find something and you can change when you come by. Maddie will drop us off and pick us up so we’ll have time to get you ready after work.” Maddie was the Curtner’s housekeeper. She was Kim’s nanny when she was little but now she was mostly a chauffeur and guardian when the Curtners weren’t around. They were both doctors and practically lived at the hospital when they weren’t traveling to conferences or universities to speak.

  “Okay. I guess.” It wasn’t worth arguing with her about fashion. She was always right and if she had something I could wear, I’d be her dress up doll for the night. It was actually fun having her excited about me for a change. Usually the topic at any given moment was around her clothes and boys that she was into. We were in completely foreign territory.

  When I walked into humanities with damp hair from my shower, I was shocked to see Logan in the back corner. He looked up then glanced at the desk next to his. There was a backpack on the table but he quickly moved it. Not wanting to take the only other open seat, in the front row, I walked straight toward him and slid into the chair.

  “Well, this is a nice surprise. I was hoping to have you in one of my classes...” His whispered words sent shivers through me.

  I didn’t realize I was leaning toward him until my pen rolled off the other end of my desk and I had to move my chair just to reach it.

  “Were you saving this seat for someone?”

  “Jus
t for you. Wishes do come true...”

  I smiled at his cheesy line. He could pull it off. It was clear he didn’t take himself too seriously which was a huge turn-on. I hated cocky guys that thought they were all that, especially when they were.

  Logan seemed to have a natural confidence that didn’t rely on his looks. He was just easy going and real. I could imagine myself falling for him despite my heart and head telling me it would be an absolute disaster.

  When the bell rang, Ms. Johnson, a first year teacher that barely looked old enough to drink, started on the introductions. She read from the list provided by the office and I did my standard correction of “Liz” when she called out “Elizabeth.” I couldn’t help but glance at Logan to remind him again that I was telling the truth about my name. He chuckled softly at my “see, I told you” look.

  Not five minutes had passed when I got a text. I quickly muted my ringer and checked to see who it was. I rarely got texts during the day so I immediately went into panic mode, thinking that something had happened at home. My worry was short lived when I saw the message attached to the unfamiliar number.

  I hope you don’t mind that I asked Kim for your number.

  OMG. It was from Logan. I casually glanced at him and he was watching me with a big grin.

  No problem.

  I really needed to work on my one-liners.

  You live around here?

  Shit. I had to be careful how I answered that. I was supposed to be living at Kim’s as far as the school district was concerned but I didn’t think Logan would report my out-of-district status. And, if he knew how far away I lived, it would ensure he never tried to come over.

  I stay at Kim’s a lot. She’s down on McClellan Road.

  Why?

  My family lives in San Jose so I’m using her address for school.

  That’s cool. Is that why you weren’t here last year?